Networking gets a bad rap
It doesn't have to be putting on a smile and pretending I'm someone I'm not
The term "networking" has some very negative connotations. A few years ago, when I would hear the word "networking" I would to think back to my junior year of college when I would don a suit and tie, trudge up to the quad, and compete with a dozen of my classmates to make an impression on some 25 year old JPMorgan had sent to campus for the day. It was a soulless affair, completely transactional, and without any of the genuine human connection we so often enjoy when meeting new people. All that to say, that especially in a post-covid, remote world, it's understandable that young people would be wary of "networking" events. After all, if I don't have to leave the house to do my job, why would I leave to go have fake conversations with people who don't really care about me?
However, one thing that the last four years in the working world has taught me is that my interpretation of networking was very narrow, and very transactional. Networking doesn't have to mean pretending to be someone I am not in order to get a job. On the contrary, the best networking experiences I have had I wouldn't have even thought of as networking in the moment. I wasn't trying to land a job or asking premeditated questions to try and make a good impression. Instead, I was just asking questions about things that I was genuinely curious about, regardless of whether or not they had to do with work. Those are two of the key lessons I have learned about networking: 1) having conversations without any "ask" is the best form of networking 2) asking questions I'm actually curious about vs those that I think "sound good" is critical. Afterall, why build relationships with people I can't relate to or be myself around?
To the first point of having a conversation without an ask, what I mean is it's easier to build real relationships when there is no expected or even desired outcome. The worst events I have gone to have been the ones where I have gone in with a goal in mind. Having a desired outcome shaped my conversations, making them very one dimensional and inauthentic. I was saying things that I thought sounded good vs what I actually felt. What I have since realized is that if I have to put on a front to get a job, then I'm probably not going to like the job anyways, so what's the point? Conversely, the best events I have gone to (and the best interviews I have had for what it's worth), have been the ones where I didn't really care what happened; I was just showing up to meet some new people. At those events I engaged in conversations that were actually interesting to me rather those that I felt I needed to be a part of in order to achieve my desired goal. As a result, the relationships I built were far more meaningful and lasting.
At the end of the day, networking is all about perspective. It can be seen as an evil necessity of corporate America, or it can simply mean trying to meet new people who may have similar interests. Personally, I no longer see networking as a "soulless affair", but rather an opportunity to expose myself to what other people are thinking, to test my own beliefs, and to perhaps even make some lasting relationships. I will never go to a "networking" event again with a checklist in the back of my mind because ultimately doing that has only ever led me to jobs that I don't feel any true excitement or passion about. As a final point, odds are that on the given evening two people connect neither of them is going to be A) willing or B) capable of providing immediate career help. However, like with any relationship, as two people spend more time talking and getting to know one another, a level of trust will begin to build that will eventually allow both parties to ask the other for help.